Every year, I seek the Lord for a word for that year or season of life that I’m in.
This one year in particular, I felt God impressed on my heart to face my fears. I had been reading blogs and listening to sermons that continued to speak to the theme of being fearless. So, I declared to myself that year was going to be “No Fear New Year.” Moments, hours, and days later, the anxiety and reality of what I felt God had spoken into me, set in.
Was I really going to do this? Was I going to be free from my fears? Could I really do this ?
It sounded great in the moment of revelation and inspiration, but now… Now where the rubber meets the road.. was I actually going to carry this out? Fear set in again and excuses began to fly. However, I was determined to not let fear hold me back anymore.
There were things I felt like I needed and wanted to face for years and never did. Fear kept me safe, comfortable, yet stagnant in my faith. I knew there was more. I felt the tug of God to step outside of my comfort zone but when it came down to it… I couldn’t. I was paralyzed and refused.
During this year a series of events unfolded where I had to face fears I expected and others, also, that were unexpected. The unexpected hit me by surprise because they had been buried so deep and hurt so bad. Life became more about being obedient to God rather than dispelling these fears. Each time, I felt wrecked by God and didn’t understand why I was going through what I was going through.
Then I remembered… Oh yea, “No Fear New Year.” Then I freaked out for a little bit because it just seemed too hard to do this. But then, I was overwhelmingly reminded by God that I Am His and He will see me through. He was the one who called me to this, He is doing the work, not me. He has given me promises to hold onto during these times of suffering.
He shifted my perspective.
I held onto my life verse “The joy of the Lord is my strength” Nehemiah 8:10 and pressed on. I was reminded that He is the Potter and I am the clay. He was doing this because He loved me and was calling me to be who He designed me to be. Freedom began to take the place of fear, anxiety, and worry. It began to get easier to face fears in obedience to God rather than being paralyzed by them. All the more His love increased and went deeper within me.
He kept calling me to obedience because I am loved.. His beloved.
He was shaping and molding me in ways I never thought possible. During this time, He was also answering visions and prayers from years prior that I had forgotten about. Looking back, I can see how Gods love for me overpowered the aches and pains that comes with facing your fears. He was doing way more than I ever imagined. Was it an incredibly painful season? Yes. But mostly, it was an incredibly amazing one and I’m overwhelmingly grateful for both.